I spent months smelling the remnants of your sheets on his clothing. My intuition told me to leave but every part of me begged for the day he would truly fall in love with me. But he kept returning to what he knew. Not thinking of the way it would rip me apart at the seems. He didn’t think about the way my confidence would slither into the depths of burden and grief. I didn’t know I could lose someone who was alive. I didn’t know I could feel stabbed in the heart and still come out breathing. But I did. I conquered my fear of not being good enough for you. I wavered in the freedom of what it meant to discover myself.

You didn’t make me. Your truth became the catalyst for what I needed to remember to return home to my body. To my soul. My purpose.

I loved you through the pain of being ripped apart to see what kind of man you could prove yourself to be. I saw a light in you too bright to blow out, I could never be the one to diminish your fire. Oh how your fire burns so bright.

Passionate and dedicated to what you love. No wonder you couldn’t let her go, you love whole heartedly and letting go the one thing that loved you as much as I did meant you had to risk it all. Had to risk both of us.

I’m writing this in remembrance of the times we painstakingly disregarded our intuition to find solace in our bed. We masked the truth in our hearts because we couldn’t brave to let go of the only thing that made is really grow the fuck up.

I believed in you from the start. I honored you for who you could be, the truth in your highest self. I will not call myself a fool for believing in a love so young. But I will interpret my feelings as a sign that there is karmic bonds between you and I. There are karmic bonds between you and her. I cannot love you fully until you admit the truth you are so desperately hiding so that you dont lose the both of us.

I’m not mad at either of you, I have found my path to forgiveness. But I will not be held in the prison of my thoughts and emotions wondering if its possible this will happen again. If you two were meant to be. If you two will cross paths and the spark become alive. I don’t put energy on this subject for the sake of my own needs.i just wonder.

I know different people bring out different personalities within us, they reveal the aspects of self we have dismantled and hidden. So I wonder, did she prepare you for me. And now what am I preparing you for? How will you choose when the cords to which you are bound have not been cut loose.

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