The full moon beams over head. My son awakened by the amplification of energy that stimulates the oceans currents. We are connected at the heart,  feeling his hands grasp me, rub on my skin and feet dancing across my belly. Reminds me of being pregnant with him. Constantly wiggling through the early hours of dawn. Some days are harder to enjoy these moments but days like today I feel called to sit with the quiet hours of the morning and process. Sit with my feelings. Listen to the noise. Anchor in the silence.
My last moon cycle was 11-11. Now we are ringing in the last moon of this year’s cycle. The honoring of winter has always been one of my favorites. Giving thanks to the rain to replenish us, giving thanks to the sun who nourishes our spark of the divine. May the sun always return to keep us warm and alive in wellness and life. Its been a wild journey of unbecoming over this last year. Pregnancy really gave me insight into the continuous depth of internal work my being will take charge on. Yet I am only here to progress the energy never to stifle it with control and judgment. I am holding myself with more grace than ever before. And it serves me justice to be brought to my knees in reverance of all matters.
I was not born to be reigned in with the status quo. My being is aligned with the consciousness of source and the holiness of infinite oneness.
I’ve began shedding layers of my own shame, guilt and constructs. I’ve let go of trauma,  insecurity and fear. My vessel is an eternal living being here to anchor in unity consciousness.
I feel grateful for all I have awakened within this life cycle. Shit, even 2020 has felt like a lifetime of unraveling and molding to find the shape that feels most “me”. I will never forget the way I felt November 2019
Full moon in Taurus during Scorpio season and exploring Maui. My flow had started, I went to the beach to swim, cleanse, flow with the mama. She held me so tight. Breast to the sun, third eye expanding, the ocean wrapped around my body. I felt eternal. Like a goddess of ancient earth. At one. At peace. I felt strong in my wild feminine. I felt like I was floating and grounded all in one. The only thing I was sure of was my love for this feeling. My love for the earth and Great Spirit. The love for myself. I was empowered. Given the opportunity to resurface any old paradigms of lack and fear. Bringing to the shallows to be held and seen. Like a stingray traveling through the ocean depths and coming to the sand.
I slept under full moon star lit skies, and listened to the ocean, where my every thought and feeling was held graciously by the continuous support of waves hitting the shore.
The feelings I experienced before pregnancy were some of the most freeing and exceptional I have every felt. I honor the way life flowed through me with no expectations, no precursors or judgment on how I should feel or what i should do. I could simply and exponentially just be.
This year has taught me so much about the necessities my being needs for a sustainable life. I no longer need to conform in any way to fit inside of societal indoctrination. I am a free being,  flowing with individuality,  life, grace and love. My purpose to be an anchor of that eternal truth. To ground into the freedom of bliss and unity. With the earth, with spirit, with self.
I’ve slacked in ways that have made me feel less than. Not focusing on eating as healthy as possible, not exercising, not Journaling, not pursuing business ideas etc. This all stems from feeling as though my identity has shifted to a point I don’t have “time” to take care of myself. This comes from a space of dehydration. A space of confining myself to a timeline that has no virtue to it. I’ve struggled with feeling like I’m wasting time.
But how could embracing the love of my child, feeling his warmth, staring into his eyes, nurturing his gentle spirit ever be a waste? He is my reason for unbecoming. He is my reason for pursuing a life of connection to the divine. He has gifted me new sight and new foundation. I acknowledge his capability to push me to grow, to push me to fly. To spread my wings and see that I am exactly where I once was, have always been and need to be. I am elated to be able to hold him for these first few months of life. To nurture his essence and expand my own ability to protect. He is my reason for breathing deeper and deeper. For uncovering shadows and exposing truth. For fulfilling prophetic missions and completing my work here upon earth.
Watching him grow has been a gift.
Every day I am blown away by his ability to inspire, uplift and shine. He is truly a miracle, a being here to amplify the frequency of love upon this planet. I am so grateful for this connection between us. Everytime I look into his soul I see how incredibly smart he is. How passionate and gentle. How curious and adventurous. His consciousness has really expanded over the last couple months and its such a joy to watch him observe the moving world around him. But if anything. He’s here for it all. The beauty, the wild, the unknown. He shows me to be present more than anything else. I sit and stare at him for hours, I touch his skin and feel the flood of hormones rushing through my body. His laugh. His smile. His kisses. His love. Its all so divine. I wish to hold onto these moments infinitely. Forever my baby you’ll be.
Even when I have the space to focus on my own being I find myself thinking of him, watching him and talking about him. My life revolves around the sun. The eternal light that amplifies my life force energy. He is my ray of light even through the cloudiest of days. Veering into the sky theres always a blue patch of sky over us. As though God is constantly watching over us, gifting us with presence and peace.
I’ve accepted the love that Spirit has gifted me with more than ever. I feel as though the hidden parts of myself are seen, and my inner child is free to be herself, to love herself, to forgive herself. My whole life I knew trauma and shame, and finally I am free from the guilt as I walk this journey along side the creator. The one who sees all and gently opens our paths. For lifetimes and years I’ve been on the path of healing and self discovery. Only to find that I was whole and eternal the whole time. I spent days searching through the unknown for answers but they always led back to me. The one in the mirror. The me that is truth. I won’t ever be able to take back the things that have happened to me or the things I have done to my own body. They tell the story that is written across my skin. They signify the substantial growth I have overcome to be standing here today. To be able to watch my son grow and live a life well lived. To be a conscious parent. To mirror to him all of the genuine reflections he will look towards in hopes of pursuing his own path. I would never want to rid of his independent spirit. I pray he always feel the freedom in making his own choices, listening to his internal truth and mastering his dimension. He will come to us for guidance and we will be there to pick him up when he falls. Or let him know he has the power to do anything he puts his mind to. But mostly in conjunction with his heart.
I have done the healing process in order to protect the future lineage of my predecessors. They are the legacy of children that will bring forward peace upon mother earth once more. They will see a day when the light is amplified and evil will no longer reign the victimized mental of so many enslaved beings. We have risen. We have expanded. We are flying.
Right now marks the in between, the shift, the new age. Its been prophesied for centuries upon centuries. Its been channeled through so many galactic beings. Its truly no coincidence that we are here in this now.