I spent months smelling the remnants of your sheets on his clothing. My intuition told me to leave but every part of me begged for the day he would truly fall in love with me. But he kept returning to what he knew. Not thinking of the way it would rip me apart at the seems. He didn’t think about the way my confidence would slither into the depths of burden and grief. I didn’t know I could lose someone who was alive. I didn’t know I could feel stabbed in the heart and still come out breathing. But I did. I conquered my fear of not being good enough for you. I wavered in the freedom of what it meant to discover myself.

You didn’t make me. Your truth became the catalyst for what I needed to remember to return home to my body. To my soul. My purpose.

I loved you through the pain of being ripped apart to see what kind of man you could prove yourself to be. I saw a light in you too bright to blow out, I could never be the one to diminish your fire. Oh how your fire burns so bright.

Passionate and dedicated to what you love. No wonder you couldn’t let her go, you love whole heartedly and letting go the one thing that loved you as much as I did meant you had to risk it all. Had to risk both of us.

I’m writing this in remembrance of the times we painstakingly disregarded our intuition to find solace in our bed. We masked the truth in our hearts because we couldn’t brave to let go of the only thing that made is really grow the fuck up.

I believed in you from the start. I honored you for who you could be, the truth in your highest self. I will not call myself a fool for believing in a love so young. But I will interpret my feelings as a sign that there is karmic bonds between you and I. There are karmic bonds between you and her. I cannot love you fully until you admit the truth you are so desperately hiding so that you dont lose the both of us.

I’m not mad at either of you, I have found my path to forgiveness. But I will not be held in the prison of my thoughts and emotions wondering if its possible this will happen again. If you two were meant to be. If you two will cross paths and the spark become alive. I don’t put energy on this subject for the sake of my own needs.i just wonder.

I know different people bring out different personalities within us, they reveal the aspects of self we have dismantled and hidden. So I wonder, did she prepare you for me. And now what am I preparing you for? How will you choose when the cords to which you are bound have not been cut loose.

Calm Before the Storm

Remaining calm in open waters

When the storm comes pouring over and the waves begin crashing

I will follow the holding of my breath into a space of internal freedom

watching the destruction from afar with a perspective of liberation within the sacred

Opening palms to the vibrational currents

Sinking deeper into a space of receptivity, awareness, surrender

Motioning with the crests and swells

Intertwining my cells

Sinking steady into a space of silence

When the storm comes I remain in this presence

Knowing my body cannot fight the tide, it cannot fight the shifts of the Moon

Floating is my choice

Riding the waves and swimming through the swells

Remaining calm in the storm from a place of choice to surrender

Believing in Great Spirit believing in myself

Mother Earth is here to hold me cradle me nurture me in her plentiful waters

Soon the storm will pass and we will realize how lucky we were to experience some of the utmost miraculous shifts of history of humanity of life

Purpose opens us to possibility

Surrender opens us to receptivity

Surrender to the purpose of each interaction

Be reminded of the purpose of each initiation

Guiding you within to the space of relaxation

Trusting in the Truth of Faith

Awakening with sudden movements

Jolting forward out of the illusion

Facing fears and unveiling mysteries

Each being living the truth within their story

We must know what truth means to us rooted at the core

The splendor of the now will reflect what great spirit has in store

Cleaning up house now means so much more

Oh great spirit can you hear us cry from up there

What do you see and do when we are tied in despair

There is truth within the force of guidance that surrounds us

We must decipher what it means to trust

Returning back to the beginning it all came down to trust in the truth of faith

For even when you can’t see the outcome will you persist with a smile upon your face

Love cannot be defeated it cannot be destroyed

Yet anything rooted in rotten soil will need to be plowed

Left untamed for a while to regrow it’s nutrient

Then when the return of water comes the vigor follows its constituent

In assembly with those of its kind

Continuing to grow in a true nature that’s encoded with the divine

Trusting that the Earth will provide the opportunity for freedom to grow every time

The mundane world spins around me, like ants forming the colony each individual creature plays a role in keeping the system alive. Constant driving in traffic, caffeine, headache, lack of sleep repeat. All these complaints about our own free will has me interpreting our own misfortunes as a lousy game we play with ourselves to act like we aren’t irresponsible lazy conglomerates.

The cycles of life and death keep us locked in the

Balance

Shifting once more, the fragments of myself coming into a divine union. There is no other path for me that fulfilling a destiny written on ancient rocks. They said peace will return. I am here. Bridging the gap between where we were and where we’re going. Together, in the divine light of unity consciousness. I return to fulfill a destiny written by my ancestors, the ones who saw visions of a New Earth, a new dawn, a new way. They sang, danced, sat in prayer for the evolution of this world, the chance at something special. Unbeknownst to those who stood before me, they envisioned a path but did not know the reward that was to come. So now I sit with the message of what they saw, shaping it into this current world so that when the time comes; we are ready, we are one.

It was never about the identity of who we thought we were when chosen by spirit to fulfill a destiny written in the stars. It was about the journey of becoming, the journey of embracing our truth. Embracing what we are meant to do. If that means sitting in years of solitude just to hear the connection with spirit so be it. If that means rumbling in angry passion until the right words come up then so be it. If that means sacrificing on the altar of action so be it. We will not fall short of the opportunity laid before us. We see the vision clearly, wholly, infinitely. Our internal battles of identity and being come forward to show us the individual process to which we fulfill that birthright of being. Now fucking stand up and yell to the world who you are and what you came here to do. Never forget that your ancestors made all of you. The recipe to your creation was written with compassion and elegance. May you always look inward and know the measurements that calculate success in your story.

Great Spirit I am weak in the knees of gratitude for this path, this journey, this destination. I feel honored to partake in the witnessing of you expressing yourself. If we can identify with one thing from you let it be that we are free in our expression. We are free in honesty of our authentic life. May we congregate in the marvel of freedom and how light it feels to release the identity of limitation. We are infinite. Spirit you are infinite.

The harmony of balance rings before us. Masculine and feminine, internal and external, communication and insight, left and right brain hemisphere. Every act of balance guides us to the internal truth of who we are. How we communicate with our human and spiritual essence. How we influence action with thought. Every single act of human nature corresponds with the balance of who we are and where we are going. Past, present, future.

Fragments no longer ring true in separation. My fragments are living in a sacred union within me. Within all things. I see the hawk and crow dance in the sky, balance. I see the fisherman and fish jumping out the water, balance. I see man and nature, balance. I see balance all around me, keeping the sphere in a destined form. An unbeatable force of freedom. Expansion. Only finding identity in our separation. When we are one with the balance within and without, we are United.

My heart bursts open in the moments I see innocence playing in the garden of Eden. Laughter and freedom filling the air as we play through enchanting greens, wildflowers and nectars of life. My visions send me into a distant state of tranquility, seeing how these moments are parallel in their existence. I find myself becoming an observer the longer my feet sit in the mineral rich dirt. Holding the sacred essence of life close to my heart, beaming with gratitude. Opening my eyes I see that this is my reality. This is the masterpiece of creation. We were kicked out of the garden for our intolerable acts of desire. What they didn’t tell us was that tending to the gardens of our minds would grant us access into the transcendent state of bliss equal to the melodies of leaves blowing in the breeze on a summers morning. Holiness is alive and well. Divinity resides in the moments of silence and observation.

I’m captivated by the array of mystery that is portrayed before me. Spirit so bold in the pursuits of what it means to trust and respect.

I’m shedding the layers of everything i thought i knew and wanted to attain to structure a new foundation. Within a prarie of sweetgrass, flowers and creatures of the unseen I find this space of internal wisdom. My being knows the continuous patterns and shifts of mother earth. Living in harmony with her cycles I breathe life into the cells of my physical being. Flowing, flooding, rushing, waving, shifting with the tides. My spirit is humbled nestled among the Earthen plain.

How do we as humans forget where we have come from when her visible vastness of creation is right before us. Pulsating life into our cellular molecules, so we too may feel the infatuation of how wonderful things are to be from the birds eye view. I pay my respects with the moments of gratitude and awareness of her simplistic nature to give. Sending vibrations of compassion for the grace that flows before me. One with her patience and strength. One with her plant and animal kingdoms. One with the directions of the winds and how we are all one. Thank you spirit. The honesty, the real raw honesty of how we are alive brings me passion. Let us marvel in the beauty of our own creation. So we may remember who we are and what we have come here to do in the service of spirit.

I’ve lost parts of myself, only to realize it wasn’t the taste of security I was letting go of but the taste of insecurity. The foul smells and coloring of detrimental choices that stained the fabrics of my linens began to wash away in the release of a few strings. I began to sew in New etchings and borders that fit the life I wanted to see on the quilt of my journey. Some spots were stained so deeply it took the help of others to release the color. Now I stand boldly in my colorful linens having saved the remnants of myself that I love dearly and showcasing all that I have learned along the way.

Expectation

I guess I’ve been looking for validation in all the wrong spaces. All that ever mattered was if I loved myself enough to surrender to the ecstatic bliss of creation. Whether I was passionate about my pen hitting the notebook, or my body covered up by our twisted morning sheets. I looked for validation in expectant ways only to become sour when the taste that was displayed on my palate didn’t match what the chef made. So now I surrender, to my destiny and my worth. Reminding myself that as long as I love me, there is no form of validation that will satisfy me, for an outside perspective would limit me, to the karmic debts of a tethered tree. I am free to be me. In my quest for self love, no longer torturing my tongue with expectations of a mind that’s numb.

My mind is shifting, what was once confined between the parallels of time is now shaping and shattering in a distance as far as the minds eye can see, across dimensions and planes were riding the line, between who we want to be and who we have yet to become, always uncovering truths and returning to the internal refuge of a shelter made to withstand blistering storms and earth quakes. We shake from the core so the destruction can break the restriction, from the beginning it was up to us to uncover a new system, channeling the way, paving a path, driving our cars into mirages and mutilated images of where were going and what’s actually coming next. I’m trying to breathe through the jump, telling myself to go when I feel ready when I feel safe. Yet what about those who were stripped of their individual rights and properties only to live in a confined tragedy. The war happened within our own segregation of the mind. The moment we thought we were confined to the lines we have mined. Taking from the earth and trying to cover it with asphalt. What happens when we come from the earthly basement and relieve the structures that left humanity complacent.

I AM the fire and the ash

I set fire to my own story and watched as the pages burned into a pile of dust. I release the words of pain and agony, resentment and regret, worry and disempowerment into the blackened smoke. Inhaling, exhaling, choking on the remnants of a silenced voice. I blew out the last of the flame to ensure that I had gotten what was left in my lungs. I am ripping out the pages of myself that I do not recognize any longer and stitching in a new parable. I am the fire and the ash. They will document how I came alive in my own destruction. And they too will remember how to ignite the flames of their own transformation.